Monday, December 13, 2010

Chapter 2: Rock Bottom

First of all, in my defense... eating healthy is a major pain in the ass.  That and it tastes like shit.  Unless we're talking about fruit.  One thing I have not had a problem with during this whole adventure is eating more fruit.  Jazz Apples kick major ass.  I've just always had a hard time with eating vegetables.  As a kid, the only time I could eat vegetables without gagging was when they were in a bowl of sirloin burger chunky soup, mostly because the vegetables tasted like burger.   Which is not the case with other cooked vegetables.  I still have a hard time eating them.  Which is not the case with cooked fruit.  3 words.   Apple. Pie. Crisp.

In the end... you are what you eat, and I ate like hell.  I would eat a whole frozen pizza in one sitting... a few hours later with a bowl of fruity pebbles in between, I would go to the store and buy two whoopie pies for desert.


Trust me...I had help. 

I would eat like this just about every night.  I remember getting somewhat of a wake up call when the cashier (who had seen me make this whoopie pie purchase almost every night) finally asked me with huge concern. 

"Dude, do you really eat two of those a night?"  and like a lying little bitch I said
"Nah, I usually have one tonight and another tomorrow during lunch"
"Ok good..  I was gonna say, eating one of those things makes me sick"

It was then that I made the fateful decision to go to different stores throughout the week.. to the simple minded cashier I was a stranger stopping by to grab a large sample of the best desert Maine has to offer.  Little did they know they were dealing with the local glutton. 

Little by little my shirts stretched out and my pants got tighter.  It was not long before all the simple things in life became a huge pain in the ass.  Stairs, walking longer than a half mile, fitting into shit, not being able to go on certain rides at the fair because I'm over the weight limit.. it sucked, all of it destroyed my confidence.  270, 285, 298, 315... holy fuck... 315?  15lbs heaver then Chris Farley on the night of his death.  You wonder why a guy has a hard time walking up to a pretty girl just to introduce himself.   I was only 24 years old and had already hit rock bottom..  The life of a fat guy tasted great, but felt like shit and looked like a huge fucking zit.

But that was just it... I was only 24 years old... It was not to late to do something about it.     



   




Sunday, November 28, 2010

Chapter 1: The Downfall

I think it all started midway through high school when I stopped playing sports.  Until my sophomore year of high school I played 3 sports a year.  Football in the fall, Hockey in the winter and Track in the spring (I was the only one in my grade that threw the shot put)  not to mention spending most of my summer getting in shape for football again.  A lot of sports meant a lot of eating to keep me fueled which I had zero problem with.  Every thing about food kicks ass and I could not get enough it... I was a thick dude but the high amount of activity that comes with playing 3 sports a year kept my weight under control.  However, the older I got the less fun I had doing it.  Instead of playing for fun, teams were playing for playoff spots.  Losing was no longer acceptable.

My Sophomore year of high school football would be my final undoing.  Up until that year I had been playing with the same group of guys since 7th grade.  We had just come off our best season ever in the Freshman league the previous year and would be thrown on the Varsity team as sophomores.  Finally... what I had been waiting for my whole life.. a chance to make the Varsity team.  Even though I had worked my ass off the whole summer there was nothing I could have done to hide that fact that most of my new teammates were twice my size.  Practices were faster, more intense, and more painful.  On the second day I sprained my ankle.  It fucking hurt like hell, and I would miss the first week of preseason which for the most part did not bother me... Injury's happen and I still had another week to prove myself.   What did bother me was the fact that my coaches and teammates thought I was milking it.... I was so pissed off that I decided to play through it fucking my ankle up even more.  I was on crutches for 2 weeks and by the time I was healthy enough to play, I found myself on the 3rd string offensive line.  GO TEAM! 

Even though I ended the season on the second string and saw playing time during the last few games of the year, when all was said and done I was over it.  Playing through pain on top of pain had taken its toll.  Fuck high school sports.  Double session practices in 90 degree heat and 5am hockey practice before school even starts can suck my dick.  I want to be able to look back on my high school years and smile.

As it turns out I looked back and realized that even though I stopped playing sports... I kept right on eating. 

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Last Man To Get Laid.

As a young man growing up heading out into the world to take on new things that would most of the time get the better of me.  I was always curious about what it was gonna be like when I finally lost my virginity.  The constant curiousity was there for a while because I was constantly a virgin for longer then the average male.  Out of all my closest friends I was the last.  To put it perspective... I'm 26 now and I was 26 when I finally lost it.  You do the math.  Yeah... it sucks.    

How can you smile at a time like this?
    

As you can see, I was a big guy for a while.  315lbs of big guy to be exact.  Granted I lead a fun and outgoing life and over the years I have made some kick ass friends.  But when it came to meeting women, I always had to play a bit of a waiting game.  I would show up at a bar or a party and wait for the girl I had my eyes on to get totally wasted, go up to them and say something charming like  "Whats up?" and then wait for a reply.  The replies were always the most exciting part of the game.  Sometimes she would laugh, most of the time she would cry, once in a while it would go somewhere until she would end up saying something like.. "You're so sweet!  You remind me of my dad!"  Which brings us back to why I wait for her to get wasted. At least then she would not be grossed out when I asked.. "So.. if you were not his daughter would you fuck your dad?"

I finally realized I was not gonna win any pretty girls over with my personality alone.  I decided the easiest way to finally experience the pleasure of my Penis entering the unbelievable pleasure zone that is the Woman's vagina, would be to put my body through the most mentally and physically exhausting chapter of my life.  I would have to lose weight and lots of it.  Not only would it be easier to say "Hi" to chicks, it would be easier to live life.  What sucked the most about this was the fact that when you're 315 pounds and lose 20lbs, your still 295lbs.  I knew if I was gonna do this, I was gonna have to just get into the habit of exercising and not think about how much weight I had to lose.  Every time I thought about it I would think.. "LOSE 50LBS AND YOU'LL STILL BE 265LBS YOU FAT FUCK!" 

*sigh*
    This was gonna suck.