Chapter 5. Its gone...

The spring of 2010 was in full bloom.  It had been about two years since I had started exercising on a regular basis.  I was 70lbs lighter and feeling awesome.  Granted I was not exactly cut out of marble.. 245 is still a big dude, but I was a long ways away from 315 and knew I was never going there again.  Plus I knew with my new lifestyle, it was just a matter of being consistent.  It took a long time to put all the weight on, it was gonna take a long time to take it off.

Its common knowledge that spring time in the animal kingdom means everyone is horny as hell.  Winter is finally over, the weather is getting warmer and pretty girls are starting to show a little more skin driving any dude with a functioning penis out of his fucking mind.  AKA, we all get fucking twitterpated.

Mr. Owl was right...

I became reacquainted with a girl (Who will remain nameless because she really does not need any of this shit) who I had met in passing while filming The Kings.  During that time she was involved with someone, which in the long run probably worked in my favor because it immediately took the pressure off.  She was already with someone, no need to get all clammed up.  I only interacted with her for a few days, but during that time I found out a lot of stuff about her, including the fact that she was a Mom.(You'll need to know that for later)  During this brief amount of time we became fast friends, I could not get over how easy she was to talk to.  If you remember correctly, The Kings was filmed in the summer of 2008.. back when I was far from my prime.

When she was no longer needed on set, she went on her merry way, at that time I assumed it would be the last time I interacted with her on a face to face basis.  Fast forward back to 2010... out of nowhere I start hearing from this girl again saying we should get together....Nothing major... lets just hang out.

We were twitterpated as fuck.  I had never had a girl crush on me so hard and it kicked ass.  A new found confidence was pouring into me.  "Wow... a really attractive girl is INTO ME."  She even found out I had never had SEX before and DID..NOT..CARE?!  If only she had remembered that when we actually HAD sex then who fucking knows where things would have gone.....

Mom...Dad?  If you're still reading.... You are two of the bravest people I have ever known.

Saturday May 15th, 2010

The two of us were up at my camp, which happens to be my favorite place in the entire world.  Its a small cozy shack that sits on Great Moose Lake in Hartland Maine.  Memories of fishing 12 hours in a boat with a 30 rack of beer for lunch, Looking up the lake while sitting on the porch at the greatest sunset you will ever see in your life and falling asleep to the Loons calling out to each other across the lake.

GO TO SLEEP!!!!!!!

I remember the weather being overcast, but at the same time it was very still.  If you stood on the dock and looked over the edge you would see a perfect reflection looking back at you, and even though there was no blue sky or golden sunshine, the forest was right in the thick of waking up from a long winter.  Colors were everywhere in the form of tree's budding and flowers blooming.  It was almost as if time itself had stood still, the fucking universe stopped just to witness the biggest miracle in the history of Mike Johnson.

We had finished cruising around the lake in a little 12 foot boat.  Riding out on the lake for a couple hours and looking at really bad ass stuff had made us hungry.  So we did what you're suppose to do while your up at camp which was fire up the grill and crack open some beers.  We were planning to spend the night under her condition that "I behave myself"  WHICH.. I was fine with.  No sense of rushing things, specially when there is a kid involved.  Besides, I've waited 26 years... I CAN WAIT A LITTLE LONGER I GUESS......

We chowed down on some burgers, chicken and salad, sipped a couple brews and took some puffs from the god given herb.  Of course when you're in that kind of mental state where everything is awesome, you immediately feel the urge to do what you can to make it even more awesome, my option at the time was to grab the closest kick ass girl next to me and start doing Rated R shit.  We got to fooling around for a while...she was letting me do a lot of interesting things she had yet to let me do before.  After a while she finally said...
"So..."
In my mind I'm thinking..."No way..............."  However.. out loud I did my best to keep it cool.  "So..?"
"You wanna work on that whole not being a virgin thing?"
My heart jumped up my throat...I could not believe it, the weight is about to be lifted.  It was then that I thought to myself "You wanted me to *behave myself* I didn't bring any fucking condoms..."  After making her aware of that in a much more polite manner she said. "Oh... well... They sell them at the store.. just a thought"
"And its a fucking damn good one"

To Be Continued.....